1/26/09

Kitchen disasters


I was just recalling some of my favorite kitchen disasters this afternoon.
  • Red Chief's second birthday cake: triple-ginger pound cake made in a sandcastle-shaped Bundt pan. The bottom half came out, but the top half never did, despite the religious greasing and flouring I gave the pan. I had to scoop it out in crumbs. We had guests coming. They knew it was his birthday, but luckily they didn't ask about the cake.
  • The first and last time I tried to make a jelly roll: powdered milk instead of flour. Oops. The whole thing turned into a giant bubble.
  • Sunday spaghetti: Mr. Mordecai was making Sunday dinner when we were first married, and I directed him to use the bit of leftover tomato sauce in the fridge. It was El Pato. Ugh.
  • Turnip puff: I naively grew turnips in my garden in the heat of summer. They tasted a bit like radishes, not like I remembered they should. I found a vintage turnip puff recipe in one of my old cookbooks and thought that the cheese might mask the taste. It didn't.
  • Smoke alarm: I volunteered to make cinnamon rolls for a church activity on a Saturday morning. Everything went well until my caramel topping overflowed onto the bottom of the oven. The smoke alarm went on and would not go off; since it was hardwired we couldn't just remove the batteries, and it had no shut-off (I do not miss that apartment when I remember how many times that silly smoke alarm went off). I had to turn off the oven or cause a stir among my neighbors, but I also had to finish baking the cinnamon rolls. Luckily, our patient neighbors allowed me to use their oven despite the risk of burnt sugar, and everything turned out well in the end.
  • Mixer hairdo: Mr. Mordecai will tell you this one if I don't, so I might as well out with it. When I was ten or so, I was making a cake from a mix. Before I pulled out the electric mixer, I tied back my long hair as my mom always reminded me to do. As I was beating away at the cake, I flipped my head around to see how much time was left on the timer I had set, and my ponytail got caught in the mixer. It was a bit of a mess.

Okay, what have you done?



16 comments:

  1. That's very cute about your long hair.

    I bought a frying pan from a dollar store once. The first time I tried to heat it up on the stove, it melted.

    A friend of my aunt's (mom told me this one last night) tried to bake a long, cyllindrical bread by baking it in a long coffee can. When the bread rose over the top of the can, the bread ended up looking just like, errr, a certain part of a man's anatomy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My college roommate had a lovely corningware visions glass pot. While making a batch of soup, it cracked and the soup went everywhere -- under the burners, on the floor, between the stove and the fridge. To this day (and it's been about 16 years) that friends still laments that she "did not even get to taste the soup first!".

    ReplyDelete
  3. oohhh, I thought of another one. This about me instead of a roommate. The first time I made yeast bread, I killed the yeast. Being naive, I baked the bread anyway and was rewarded with 2 bricks. We had a bull mastiff puppy at the time (a big huge dog that slobbers like you would not believe) who could chew through rubber flip-flops in about 3 seconds. My mother instructed me to give one of the loaves to the dog to see if he would eat it...and he gnawed on it ALL DAY. My family still laughs about that. It was another three years before I toyed with yeast again. Luckily, I've had better results with subsequent efforts.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just last week I turned on a burner to boil a kettle of water. Well, I turned on the wrong burner and scorched a frying pan full of butter. The fire alarm went off and the house was filled with smoke. I ruined the pan....I do stuff like that all the time!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I do these things all the time! I made sugar cookies, but forgot the sugar. I set off smoke alarms regularly, and they are all hardwired. We learned to uncrew them and disable the power to them until the smoke cleared.

    Just last week I turned on the frying pan but after a few minutes of burning smell realized that my corningware from the baked spaghetti the night before was sitting on the burner I had actually turned on. Luckily it didn't bust.

    The El Pato spaghetti sauce actually sounds ok, just a bit spicy though :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have more kitchen disasters than I do successes. I think you were very brave to tell the hair story. And I'm sorry. I have really long hair to, so I understand how in the way it can get sometimes.
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have lots of these mishaps. I too often overfill cake pans. It's a mess!

    ReplyDelete
  8. These are sad but funny! I have had some of these happen to me.
    It is wonderful to get up earlier than the family. It becomes a habit after a while. Keep up the great work and glad you are having a good day!
    Hugs, Bobbi Jo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Let's just say that silicone muffin cups are not as indestructible as everyone says they are...

    ReplyDelete
  10. The first time I made my mother-in-laws famous birthday cake for my husband...I will never forget...neither will my husband let me. It called for 1 cup of coffee...I figured it was a lot of liquid for this cake, as it also called for a cup of milk...so I added coffee all right-coffee ground! It tasted quite crunchy! I make it right now..even if the 2 cups of liquid seem like a lot!

    kristy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for the snicker. One of my first attempts at baking including trying to follow the directions precisely, so when it said mix by hand, I put both hands in the batter and mixed the runny goop. (Mom of course straightened me out on that one.)

    ReplyDelete
  12. This made me laugh and laugh! What a lovely post! The dumbest thing I ever did (which my Mum reminds me of on a regular basis) was when I was making stew for the first time. The recipe was very specific and included 2 chopped onions. The recipe said 'Heat oil in the pan. Soften onions' What I didn't realise was that this meant cook the onions in the oil! I was merrily squashing the raw onion on the chopping board with the end of a rolling pin. Made perfect sense to me!!

    Hope you are having a good week! FeeBeeKay

    ReplyDelete
  13. A roomate of mine borrowed my crockpot and put a 2 pound bag of rotellis in it with some broth, thinking it would cook up like regular pasta, only slower. When we got home, all of the pasta had swelled and expanded to the point that the lid had been pushed off and pasta had spewn out all over the counter/floor/sink. The pasta itself was so swollen with the liquid it had absorbed that it was nearly unrecognizable.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I packed my blender full of blueberries and blackberries...but forgot to put the lid on before blending! I found purple bits for a week.

    I've done the same exact thing with the food processor, too.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well most recently, during my once-a-week cooking, I made two pans of tuna casserole and didn't realize Id forgotten to add the tuna to one of them until after it was already topped with breadcrumbs and cheese and baking away.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I got distracted one day while making a Banana Pudding Pie and forgot to put in the milk. It was the weirdest pudding I have ever eaten.

    ReplyDelete